en.new_girl.yml Maven / Gradle / Ivy

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en:
  faker:
    new_girl:
      characters:
      - "Winston Bishop"
      - "Cece"
      - "Coach"
      - "Jessica Day"
      - "Nick Miller"
      - "Schmidt"
      quotes:
      - "A no-nail oath? You thought I was gonna sleep with one of you, like I just couldn't help it?"
      - "With your big, beautiful blue eyes and my Blair Underwood-like skin, we'd have the most beautiful baby the world has ever seen."
      - "Are you 'White Fanging' me?"
      - "You are a beautiful white man, Nick Miller."
      - "Take these, and take care of them. I can get a tetanus shot, but I can't cure damaged suede."
      - "Please take that off. You look like a homeless pencil."
      - "Winston and Ferguson about to eat some pasta!"
      - "Gave me cookie got you cookie!"
      - "Can you believe the zoo wouldn't let me borrow their white tiger? I mean, the nerve! Philip Seymour Hoffman is going to be sitting at the back of the party thinking, 'Look at that guy. He couldn’t even get a big cat.'"
      - "Did you just say 'butt drinking?' You can’t say 'butt drinking' and not explain what it is. That's two of my four favorite things."
      - "Are you cooking a frittata in a sauce pan? What is this – prison?"
      - "If you had a jacket on with a bunch of yellow feathers, I'd be done."
      - "I had figure skating lessons until I was 13, and then my mom sobered up and realized I was a boy."
      - "Damp towel, damp! It’s like a really big wet nap. I feel like I'm being licked by a golden retriever. Look at this bathroom. There should not be two girls in this bathroom. You're too humid."
      - "I don't celebrate Christmas. Or, as I like to call it, 'White Anglo Saxon Winter Privilege Night'."
      - "It hurts. I feel like I've laid a million eggs and they're all hatching. I feel like I want to murder someone and I also want soft pretzels."
      - "I don't know how it happened, man, but somehow I got on that woman's cycle of menstruation…and I got that menstruation inside of me."
      - "I don't want some janky freshwater bitch fish, Winston. I want a lionfish."
      - "I did laundry. I smell like a baby in a damn meadow."
      - "Old people freak me out. With their hands and their legs. They’re like the people version of pleated pants."
      - "I'm really fighting the urge to buy you a lobster dinner."
      - "Nick is delicate. Like a flower. Like a chubby, damaged flower who hates himself."
      - "How's the new apartment? Does it smell like new paint and compromise?"
      - "I was sabotaged by my baby box, which means I will never trust anything that comes out of it."
      - "I'm gonna end up alone. I’m gonna be a single old lady, flashing people on the subway."
      - "This place is fancy and I don't know which fork to kill myself with."
      - "If you need me, I'll be in my room, listening to some mainstream hip-hop."